he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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