sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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