White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
