youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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