Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Your topless pictures make me question reality
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
