I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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