is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
