sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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