i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
