Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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