Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
