can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
