Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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