Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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