quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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