I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
