i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Randomize
