Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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