This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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