i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize