just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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