Pregnant stripper...not hot.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I cut my penus on the lid.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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