Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
barbara walters just said penis...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize