you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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