I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
