Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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