i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
