I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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