$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
