Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
