apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
