her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
