Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
high people should be assigned attendants
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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