I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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