A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
