if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
