i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
