mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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