Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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