stop calling my apartment porn island.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
