My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize