I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
