I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
