you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
