The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
