all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
