you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
