you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
