Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
why do cheetos always look like penises
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
