Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
