I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
