tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
