I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
