One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
