in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
