Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
