we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize