I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
