and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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