member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
