People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
