i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
