TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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