thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
