oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
