Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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