No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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