Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
